Happy 4-month, Irys

Irys dah besar..
Masuk bulan ke-4, Irys dah pandai mengiring & menirap..
Harap Irys cepat2 besar...
Mummy & Daddy love you so much!

Susu oh..susu..

Stok susuku yg berbotol2 dlm fridge akhirnya habis juga.. I went to Jakarta attending CIO Forum organised by our dept. It was 4 days 3 nights. I left dozens of breastmilk for Irys, hoping that it's enough while I was away. And yes it was. Unfortunately, being away from my baby has reduced my milk production. And this week, I had to give in to mr Formula. Irys is bigger now, needs more. And I'm unable to store as much as before.

Sedih rasanya tak terkata. I feel like a failure. Fail to provide enuf for Irys. Irys belum pun 4 bulan (4 months this sun) and susuku dah kurang. But I know, its for her best. Next month Irys dah boleh mkn. Hopefully she'll be starved with the porridge and my milk.. only.

Anyway, first time being away that long (4D 3N) from Irys really made me a miserable mother. Pagi tuh rasa macam tak nak lepas dari Irys. And I'm supposed to leave at noon . At almost noon, I gave Irys to Bibik. Rasa cam sedih sgt. And I cried in my room. After finished packing, I started crying when I wanted to say my Goodbye. And she cried. As if she understand. I cried.. and I cried. That was my first time away from Irys. In Jakarta & Bandung, I think alot about her. Mom kept sending MMS, pic of her sleeping, woke up in the morning, playing, smiling.. At least terubat sikit rindu. And she was so used to BF at night, mak ckp she sucked my mom's arms at night. Alah siannyer anakku..

I might need to go to PD for Team Building. It will be 3D2N. Rasa cam nak bawak Irys & Bibik jer. But the schedule is quite tight. But the idea of leaving Irys behind.. sigh..!